I have been thinking about hearts a lot this month, not specifically around “Ash Valentine” as a friend of mine referred to it. Making it even harder for my Catholic upbringing as Ash Wednesday and Valentines Day fell on the same day. A day when most of us give up sweets or something else for Lent. Luckily for me I am not a big celebrator of Valentines Day & have not been for years, like most things it has become commercialized and it feels like I HAVE to do something, instead of treating people with Love the other 364 days of the year, why must it only be on THIS day?
Instead my thoughts go to ones I have lost, as it involves my heart. My heart breaks at the loss of my dear friend Ez…more so because in the last years I have not made enough time away from my “busy schedule” to fully connect with him, then guilt comes into the picture and it’s even harder. This makes the loss no less, it makes it even worse because I was not with him enough as he fought a disease that attacked everything in his body and he slowly pulled away from those who were close to him. As I look back at the times we spent together, the stories that we shared and the times we sat in the breakroom telling stories to each other, we worked together for about 10 years. I remember the pranks we pulled on each other, the time he and some friends put shopping carts in the bed of my truck while I was at work, and the kind things. When he so lovingly left a drum in the seat of my truck when he knew I wanted to learn to drum and sending me poems from T.S. Elliot, or finally when I sewed wings into a unitard as part of his short film. He loved music and played with a full heart. I miss him, he was someone I could just pick up a conversation with, no judgement ever from him, around some of the stupid shit I did in my younger years.
I come away with a broken heart, that he died way too YOUNG and that he was alone. I found myself asking God why he took him so young and others that are not so kind and generous live so long. I realize there are no answers here, it’s my mind trying to make sense of this life that was lost!!
What I can do is live life and remember him and others that I have lost. Remember to not “wait until tomorrow” tomorrow may not be here, no need to save for a rainy day if I never go outside, when I die I will take nothing with me, so why not leave it ALL HERE while I am here. Beware folks…if you have not heard from me in a while, I will begin to stalk you, in the kindest of ways of course.
Thank you my dear Sangha for always allowing this space to share my heart and thoughts with you…
Love. Light
JennyO
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Corazón Yoga 